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Words for Women to Live By 1. Aspire to be Barbie - the ***** has everything.2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I"m on it and so far I"ve lost 15 days).6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.8. I know I"m in my own little world, but it"s ok. They know me here.9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.10. Don"t get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.14. If it has Tyres or Testicles it"s gonna give you trouble.15. By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she"s wrong.
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If you aim for nothing, you'll hit it every time -
Subject: Maybe notA ringer from a huge cattle station in outback Australia appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates."Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked."Well, I can think of one thing," the ringer offered. "Once, on a trip to the backblocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales, I came across a gang of bikies, who were threatening a young sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn"t listen.
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A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife yells back to him,
If you aim for nothing, you'll hit it every timeComment
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A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what
If you aim for nothing, you'll hit it every timeComment
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Sorry guys.............no more of em...... Get a dozen or more every day, some a pearlers
If you aim for nothing, you'll hit it every timeComment
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An eighty five year old bloke goes to the doctor for a check up....The Doctor sees the old fella down the street the next day with a georgous 20 year old blonde on his arm, the old fella is looking like a torn shirt pocket but really happy......The doctor says to the old fella, crikey, you look like you have been at it all night!The old fella says with a smile, I have!The doctor says, dont you remember what I told you yesterday?The old fella says, Yeh, you told me to get a hot momma and be cheerful.The doctor says, no I didnt....I told you that you had a heart murmmer and to be carefull!Mark ;D
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