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An Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist."Could you taste this for me, please?"The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. It tasted unpleasant. "Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy."No, not at all," says the chemist, pulling a face. "Oh that"s a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tasted for sugar." ,_._, _
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A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said , "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, ... "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."
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BRITISH NEWSPAPERSCommenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It"s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."(The Daily Telegraph)Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.(The Manchester Evening News)Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It"s a Special Branch vehicle and they don"t want the public to know what it looks like.(The Guardian)A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".(The Times)At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn"t have a wind speed gauge.. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.( Aberdeen Evening Express)Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -"He"d always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out "Heil Hitler.""( Bournemouth Evening Echo)
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