More humour anyone???

[asra]

Captain BravadoLong ago, there lived an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado. He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!" [:0]Aussie Paul. []www.firebirdgyros.com

[asra]

Hahaha.. brown pants huh...he must have known that he would soil himself in battle.

[asra]

There is hopeA TRUE STORYA female Royal Canadian Mounted Police constable pulled over a drunken Saskatchewan farmer driving down the back roads.She said to him, "You're under arrest, anything you say, can and will be held against you".......... "Tits", replied the guy CheersFrankiejAlways remember you're unique, just like everyone else

[asra]

The Sheriff in the wild west town of Midnapore walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the path from the elevator with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks: " Wally, why in the world are you dressed like this? " He says: "Well, it's like this Sheriff.... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her cabin with her... so I did." "We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt..so I did." "Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did." "Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did." Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says: "Now, go to town, Cowboy...... " And, here I am. CheersFrankiejAlways remember you're unique, just like everyone else

[asra]

Well down in south Texas where I grew up, there was a ole feller that had a beatup ole boat with an old misfireing motor on it. His boat had a few rods that were always tangled up and mostly brokin. He would go down to the river and put the rig in the water and sputter of, and return about an hour later with a boat load of fish. Well the gamewarden got suspicious and ask to go fishin with him.Old Mate obliged and took the warden out. When they got to the spot ole mate reached under his seat and took out a stick of dynamite, lite it and threw it in the water.Now the warden started yellin " thats illeagle, you caint be fishin like that I'm gonna have to arest you." Well the ole feller just reached under the seat again and lit another stick and threw it in the wardens lap, and said "welp, you gonna fish or yap".CheersSonnyIntelligence is not a privilege,it is a gift and should be used for the good of mankind.

[asra]

The president of a local ladies club announced at the monthly meeting that she had a special treat for everyone. We have a guest speaker who was a pilot in the great war and he is going to share his experiences with us.The grizzled old veteran was duly introduced and began his story. I was on dawn patrol over the countryside of France when suddenly, "there they were". There was fokkers to the left, there was fokkers to the right, and there was fokkers in front of me.At this point the lady president jumped up and said I must explain something. There was a company that made airplanes for Germany during the war that was named fokker. Hearing this, the old veteran replied, Oh no lady, you got it all wrong. These fokkers was flying messerschmitts.Just trying to keep the jokes aeronautical, John M

[Michael]

>The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.>>After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours>later, Tonto wakes>the Lone Ranger and says,>>"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?">>The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars.">>"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.>>The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,>>"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and>potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is>in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in>the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are>small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful>day tomorrow.>>What's it>tell you, Tonto?">>Tonto is silent for a moment, then says,>>"Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo ****. Someone has stolen tent."

[asra]

Not aeronautical but still funny. One day in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor.""Listen mate, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the supermarket. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. it takes ten seconds and only costs five pounds....a lot quicker and better than a doctor."So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the supermarket.He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:"You have tennis elbow. soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will impove in two weeks...thank you for shopping at Asda, have a nice day."That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.Jack hurried back to Asda, eager to check what would happen.He deposits five pounds, pours in the concoction, and awaits the results.The computer prints the following:1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into re-hab.4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. they are not yours. Get a lawyer.5. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.....thank you for shopping at Asda, have a nice day.I larfed and larfed....Kev Hughes

[asra]

The lone ranger and Tonto were riding in the mountains when they noticed a large band of indians bearing down on them from the south. They dashed to the top of the nearest hill only to see another large group bearing down on them from the north. Looking to the east and west confirmed their worst fears, there were large bands of hostiles approaching from those directions also.Tonto old friend, says the ranger, it looks like we're in for a tough fight. Tonto looks at him and says, "what you mean, WE, white man?"